Tuesday 17 April 2018

Truth or Dare - The scoop and digest

Blumhouse's latest teen horror could be confused with two different films of same name.

Just to make things more exciting, 2012 revenge flick Truth or Die is known as Truth or Dare in the UK.

So technically three then.

Oh, there's also a 1986 flick called Truth or Dare?: A Critical Madness.

Anyway guys, let's play.

Lucy Hale - Olivia
Tyler Posey - Lucas
Violett Beane - Markie
Hayden Szeto - Brad
Landon Liboiron - Carter/Sam

Claiming hand was forced, a girl torches gas station killing everybody inside.

At some point in the not too distant future, a guy called Carter convinces friends to continue Mexican piss up at a derelict mission church.

Expendable game of truth or dare ends with Carter admitting he deceived Olivia and co for them to replace him in said game of the supernatural.

Before leaving, he explains to Olivia they can't escape game and must follow the rules, or die.

In other words, those who bottle dare or tell porky pies can kiss asses goodbye.

What you see is fake, but consequences aren't.

Trust me, you won't give a flying fuck about anybody who dies.

As body count rises, survivors track down Giselle (girl from beginning), who informs she played the game with her friend Sam (Carter's real name), and he's the reason why situation exists.

Game is played again, resulting in Giselle's death.

After researching the net (taken from the Ladybird book of clichés), Olivia locates a mute and former nun, who was originally responsible for summoning a demon named Calax, which possessed the game.

Game can only be stopped if the last person who unleashed demon repeats a Spanish incantation seven times, sacrifices tongue and places it inside urn.

Sam made the bed, now he's got to lie in it.

At the mission, things don't go to plan, as Lucas is forced to kill Sam before ritual can be completed.

Olivia calls demon an asshole (honestly) who says game can never be over, but if her and Markie manage to draw more people in, their turn can be prolonged.

Let's hope bitches don't promote initiation by broadcasting a YouTube video...

Well bugger me with a kebab skewer.

Absolute classic ends with a viewer becoming possessed.

Comedy gold

In terms of quality, this is on par with The Bye Bye Man, but at least Jeff Wadlow's pseudo Final Destination wannabe is considerably more entertaining.

Please don't read too much into that, because I'd rather have my penis removed surgically without anaesthetic than watch this steaming mound of shit again.

Despicable characters, embarrassing jump scares, infantile script, ridiculous story and appalling acting take a back seat to what had me, (and probably others), in stitches.

When done right, smiling can make skin crawl.

But here, it's beyond hilarious.

I'm sure facial expressions were inspired by filters in social media apps, but fusing Willem Dafoe with Jack Nicholson's Joker on crack?

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?

Check out some script highlights.

Ronnie is the first to cark it and believes one lucky lady wants to see his 'business'.

Note to self.  Must use said statement to chat up a bird.

But best of all.

Lucas's explanation for nun not uttering a word for 50 years is that she took 'a vow of silence'.

Trouble is, this is before they knew about her severing tongue.

Ha ha ha!!!!

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